Ups and Downs...

Do you ever feel like just when things are going good, life throws you a curve ball?
My DH and I have been trying to have a baby for quite some time now. We have an almost 12 year old son, but have had a history of failed pregnancies (2 ectopics, a missed miscarriage and several chemical pregnancies). We've been doing fertility treatments for the past year. Have been pregnant 3 times in the last year all miscarriages. Well I haven't had a . since Aug. 5th. I took a beta HCG test to see if I was pregnant, and it was negative. I went in for an ultrasound and the dr found a cyst on my ovary. =0( I'm worried about this because a friend told me that sometimes cancer grows where cysts have formed. I don't want anything to happen to my ovary as I only have the one fallopian tube (one was destroyed when my tube ruptured) the cyst is on the side that has a tube. I feel like if that ovary gets damaged or has to be removed I have no chances of getting pregnant other than invitro which we can't afford. Our benefits for fertility treatment are running out in end of November. It's so stressful, I try to look on the bright side, we have a son already. And we love him so much, he has brought so much happiness in our lives, but that's why we want another one. To add that much more to our family.

I've thought about trying to adopt but I don't even know where to begin and then I'm worried that I'll be leading myself down another path of dissapointment. I've heard horror stories of families adopting a baby and the birth mom changed her mind a few years later and they had to give the baby who had become a part of their family back to the birth mom. I just don't think I could handle something like that!

I know God will decide what is best for me and my family. I know I just need to leave it in his hands and if it is meant to be, it will be. It's just hard sometimes...